


Lonely, Handsome

by ForASecondThereWedWon



Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cassidy getting mad about Jurassic Park, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s04e08 Fear of the Lord, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Hotel Sex, Humor, Intimacy, Jealousy, Loneliness, Love Confessions, Melancholy, Mutual Pining, My First Work in This Fandom, Past Violence, Tenderness, Tulip sorting through her feelings, Vaginal Fingering, Vulnerability, mention of past miscarriage, so much fucking dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:55:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28941831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForASecondThereWedWon/pseuds/ForASecondThereWedWon
Summary: “I think why the hell not. You wanna knowwhyI think that?”Cassidy smiled.“I do, yeah.”She reached over and placed her hand on his shoulder. She watched her fingers stroke the leather.“’Causeyou’rehandsome andI’mlonely.”
Relationships: Proinsias Cassidy/Tulip O'Hare
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	Lonely, Handsome

**Author's Note:**

> Yeaaaah, this show ended a year and a half ago, but I just binged it and I have a lot of feelings.

“Did yeh ever feel, a bit, that he was, well, that he was like our son?”

The laugh that left Tulip’s nose and mouth at the same second sounded, to her ears, like the pop of a far-off firecracker.

“ _Humperdoo_?” she checked.

“There’s no need ta take that tone,” Cassidy lectured. “We cared fer him, didn’ we? Bloody well played house wit’ him fer t’ree months. Would’ve been longer too, if those Grail bastards hadn’ turned up, yeh know it would’ve.”

“We’d’ve watched him ’til God showed up, at which point…” Tulip mimed an explosion with her hands.

“Nah.”

Her companion shook his head and, after a cautious glance in her direction, crooked his leg to prop his foot up on the dashboard. She pursed her lips but allowed it. Wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen to this faithful ol’ car.

“Fer the best though, in the end, isn’ it?” Cassidy asked.

Seemed to be rhetorical, so Tulip just sighed and let her head fall back and stared through the windshield at the dusty world around them. They’d been sitting in this car all damn day, but she couldn’t muster the energy to get out of it and make her way to the bed she knew was waiting for her inside the Holy Bar and Grail. She wondered whether it was the same for Cassidy, if he felt worse than sluggish. Bone-tired.

“That they got ’im?” she finally asked.

Cassidy hummed in agreement.

“Weird, otherwise, ta keep motherin’ the guy whose granddad yeh shagged.”

Tulip turned her head sharply.

“Just what are you implyin’?

He sniffed, suddenly all aloof and shit, refusing to meet her eye.

“I believe I’ve laid it all out there.”

“You could at least come right out and accuse me of nailin’ Jesus Christ, no pun intended, in plain terms. And _no_ , I did _not_.”

“Oh, come off it,” Cassidy challenged, looking at her again with all his usual pigheadedness. “You’re really gonna tell me yeh didn’ shag Jesus?”

“Of _course_ I didn’t!”

“The two ’a yous were gone quite a long while. I remember. The bodies were pilin’ up by the time yeh got back. Angels and demons left, right, and center. Like a bloody Dan Brown novel, it was.”

“Nothin’. Happened,” Tulip grit out. “We only took so long ’cause we started out serious enough, got pretty far, then had to drive all the way back again. That’s kinda what happens when you run away from your problems. Gotta come right back the same way and pick up where ya left off.”

Cassidy grinned at her.

“Bull. Shite.”

“ _Oh_ ,” she complained, throwing her hands up, then smacking them down on the wheel.

“‘Lonely, handsome Jesus.’ ‘Lonely, handsome Jesus,’ yeh said,” he reminded her, pointing a finger in her face that Tulip badly wanted to break. “How does that not sound as though you’re about ta drive the man into the wasteland and cure that loneliness of his with a go in the backseat?” When Tulip rolled her eyes, he demanded, “Front seat as well, was it? Squeezed against the steering wheel or should I be worried that I’ve been sittin’ in Jesus’s bare arse-print all this time?”

“I did not screw Jesus! Not in this car and not out of it. Not anywhere!”

Cassidy narrowed his eyes at her before shrugging. Seemed like he was going to drop his stupid theory.

“I might’ve. If it were me. How many people could say they’d shagged Jesus?”

“Sure, it’s fine if you do it, but if I’d’a done it, you’d’a been tearin’ that blond hair out in a jealous fit. You almost are already.”

“Jealous? I’m not jealous.”

Tulip tsked.

“Envy’s a sin,” she informed him.

“Yeh know, I do t’ink I’ve heard that.”

She smiled to herself and let her head loll back. Sun was almost gone. Cassidy had already uncovered his head, but now he removed his sunglasses as well and rubbed at the bridge of his nose, where they’d left a slight impression. It’d been her and him—her and him for months now. Sometimes, for short stretches, it almost didn’t feel like anybody was missing. Cassidy sat up front with her, where Jesse used to sit. The smile slipped slowly from her face, slow as the sun slipped down behind the horizon or syrup slipped off a pancake. The air wafting through their rolled-down windows was warm and dry and Tulip breathed deeply, though there was always a chance the damn dust would set her coughing. When it didn’t, she addressed her friend more seriously.

“You don’t have to be jealous of him no more.”

“Yeh don’ mean Jesus, do yeh?” Cassidy inquired. She stared at him steadily; he hung his head and nodded. “I didn’ t’ink so.”

“You can’t want—or covet, or whatever—” she said with a flip of her hand. “—what’s his, because nothin’ his. Not anymore.”

“We’ve seen it all, between the two of us, haven’ we?” he asked abruptly. Tulip didn’t know where he was going with this, but she nodded. “I mean, _Christ_ , you’ve met God. Time just seems ta flow t’rew us, doesn’ it, and not the other way ’round? That’s why I’m doubtful.”

Tulip frowned.

“I’m doubtful,” Cassidy clarified, “that he’s really gone. Not fer good, like. How can he be? You went ta Boo Berry purgatory and came back, I’ve received mortal wounds ten-t’ousand times over…”

“Well, that’s different, that’s, like, magic or somethin’.”

“And you and Jesse,” he said softly. “What’s that? Gotta fall under the same category, right? Magic or somet’in’. Yeh forget, I know some of the history now. If his vengeful witch of a gran’ma couldn’ stop him from goin’ back ta Texas ta be wit’ you, I’m not sure God’s got a chance.”

“God’s not there, remember? That’s what started all this.”

Tulip could hear what a dick she sounded like. But Cassidy was pissing her off with his moping! She was trying to tell him… she was trying to _say_. Now, when she wanted him to understand that maybe she could be interested in him in that way, he was being a skeptical, melancholy sonofabitch, all moral and shit, as if she were Jesse’s fucking possession and Jesse were going to come back and snatch her away from him out of some kinda greedy spite that you couldn’t get peace from in the afterlife.

“Yeh know what I mean,” Cassidy said.

“ _Cass_.”

“Ah, don’ bother wit’ that. He could be watchin’ us from someplace.”

“Well, I’m watchin’ you from right here,” Tulip said firmly, twisting in her seat to face him as well as she could to really make her point, “and you know what I think?”

“What?” he asked weakly. She didn’t get how the look in his eyes could steel her when it was that tender, but it did.

“I think why the hell not. You wanna know _why_ I think that?”

Cassidy smiled.

“I do, yeah.”

She reached over and placed her hand on his shoulder. She watched her fingers stroke the leather.

“’Cause _you’re_ handsome and _I’m_ lonely.”

He huffed a gentle laugh from his nose, repeatedly, until Tulip slid her hand to the back of his neck and pulled him towards her.

Cassidy sighed as the kiss broke. It was like that sweet little puff of air she felt when she cracked a safe, if she had her face really up-close the second she got it open. _Yeah_ , she thought, letting her forehead touch his, _that_ was _nice_. They hadn’t kissed in a long while, not since she set him up to be shot for cash in New Orleans. The two of them had something that other people accepted as chemistry, though how hard was it really to fool a roomful of half-drunk men out on the town with an assortment of firearms instead of real live dates? What did a guy who stroked and selected guns like they were prostitutes know about chemistry? Maybe Tulip’d only thought she was seeing her and Cassidy through their eyes when there really wasn’t any second-hand, bystander shit about it. Because it felt damn good to kiss him.

So she did it again, tilting her head and feeling a little shiver up her neck to her scalp when her lips traced lightly over his. Jesse had been the kind of guy to grip the back of her neck at this point and force their mouths together hard; Cassidy was undemanding and in no apparent rush, but that didn’t take the passion out of it. Actually, it was turning her on, especially when he laid a hand on her shoulder and used his thumb to pull the neck of her t-shirt out of the way so he could run his thumb along her bare collarbone. Breathing shakily, Tulip nudged his mouth with hers, working the kiss up. Their lips caught and slipped and Cassidy finally brought his other hand to her jaw as he pushed his tongue past her teeth. She whimpered into his mouth.

Clutching his leather jacket, she scooted along the seat towards Cassidy, then swung a leg over to sit astride him. They began to kiss furiously. Different kinds of furies though—she kissed with the force of all the loneliness she’d been holding in and he kissed like he genuinely loved her. Damn, Tulip couldn’t help him with that. Something did tug at her though, with how his hands crawled up her back under her jacket. She felt this urge to tell him to relax, to chill out, and quit treating this like some kinda end-of-the-world, once-in-a-lifetime thing. She guessed the first thing sorta was a possibility, what with the Grail taking Humperdoo back, and the apocalypse and all, but shit, she would’ve thought Cassidy had learned how to fuck without so much damn emotion after doing it for a hundred years. Did he fall in love every time?

Her heart seemed to grind and flip like an engine turning over. She knew Cassidy wasn’t like that. Hadn’t they met when she barged in on him in the act before accidentally basically murdering him? And he never pined for _that_ girl. Not that she ever heard about.

Tulip reangled her head from left to right, nose bumping Cassidy’s in the shift. His hands went to the backs of her thighs and towed her closer, then kneaded her legs through her jeans. Every bit of him was hungry, all the time, but he was hungriest for her, she knew that, and he’d never been subtle about it. She liked that they didn’t lie to each other.

He choked on a groan when she pushed her hips to his like he wanted. Drawing back, she panted, eyelids lowered as she watched him and stripped off her jacket. His mouth was reddened from something besides blood for once.

“Good, huh?” she checked, spreading her knees wider and grinding against the rigid erection she hadn’t felt in even longer than his kiss.

“’S alright,” he allowed.

But when she skimmed her hands down his front and started untying the friggin’ shoelace that held his jeans up, he banged his head against the headrest. She grinned and leaned in to kiss his neck after slowing her fingers made Cassidy’s eyes roll back.

“Dear God,” he muttered.

“You appealin’ to him?”

“Nah, you’re right. God, look away, yeh filthy pervert. And any other all-seein’, omnipotent bein’s who don’ wan’ ta witness Tulip’s hand down me pants should do the same.”

“Yeah,” Tulip chimed in, tipping her head back to shout at the Chevelle’s ceiling while tearing the shoelace from Cassidy’s beltloops. “Get fucked!”

“Actually,” Cassidy panted as she unbuttoned him, “speakin’ ’a that… would you maybe like ta take this inside?”

“Inside where?”

“Well, uh, the hotel.” He jerked his thumb in its direction.

“Oh right.”

“Only if that’s alright. Please,” her friend begged, “if it’s here or nowhere, tell me. I’m happy ta make do.”

“No,” Tulip said, sitting back to the sound of Cassidy’s deprived sigh. “You’re right. This is familiar territory for us. It’s a hotel room that’d be a novelty.”

“Except we never started in the front seat and moved ta the back the last time. Nothin’ coy like that. No pussyfootin’. Knew exactly what we were doin’, didn’ we, fer a couple eejits hopped up on stolen drugs?”

“That story does sound so romantic when you tell it,” she commented sarcastically. With a smirk, she threw the door open and climbed off Cassidy’s lap. Standing in dust again. “C’mon.”

“Have ta wait fer me now! What’d yeh do with the string? Me jeans’ll fall down walking from here ta the hotel.”

“Hold ’em up,” Tulip suggested, striding towards the building. “Or let ’em drop. What’s it matter? Sun’s down. You’re not gonna die from your ass catchin’ fire.”

“How’d you know I wasn’ wearin’ underwear? Was that a guess or could yeh feel t’rough the denim?”

She laughed quietly to herself and didn’t turn around.

A place like this—middle of nowhere, watering hole for Grail crazies—didn’t do a lot of business renting rooms. Tulip had to wonder if anyone’d been in this one since the last time she was here. It had walls and a ceiling to keep the dust out; lights, nightstands, and the painting hanging on the wall seemed like extras. At the moment, even the bed felt like something beyond what was necessary because the inside of the closed (and locked) front door was working fine. She had Cassidy pressed up against it, kissing him. He kept switching between grabbing her hips and hitching his jeans up. Before she could nag him to make up his damn mind, he hoisted her up his body to wrap her thighs around his hips. She assumed, based on the shuffling walk that brought them to the foot-wide wall of the archway that bowed over the room, that his pants had plummeted to his ankles.

“ _Unnh_ ,” dragged out of her when he dug forward with his hips.

She bit at his mouth and he took it until they were kissing smoothly again, real teenage making-out stuff, but with a paid-for hotel room instead of the shady side of the church, away from the windows, while Jesse’s dad worked on his sermon inside. From that to having sex with a vampire in the middle of a quest to save the friggin’ world. That showed all the people who never thought she’d go anywhere or do anything important.

“Cass,” she said, gripping his short hair as he tilted his head to kiss her neck, hips grinding away at her. “There’s a bed.”

“Believe me, I know,” he told her, hot breath on her skin. “But I don’ know if that’s a good idea, yeh see.”

“I _don’t_ see. That’s what the bed’s for. Well, and sleepin’, I guess.”

“It’s just that…” Cassidy’s hips quit their rocking and Tulip had to release his hair so she wouldn’t yank it right out in her impatience. He lifted his head. “I’m scared that doin’ it horizontally might be too, yeh know, serious.”

“Why?” She eyed him hard. “Are you tellin’ me you can’t smile when you’re on your back? Like old dolls that only open their eyes when you sit ’em upright?”

“Christ,” he muttered, looking straight up and blinking. “What a thing ta make me picture. And I don’ mean the haunted fuckin’ dolls.” When he could meet her eye again, his expression was regretful. “I don’ want ta make yeh uncomfortable. If we were properly in bed together, my God, Tulip. You’d see it all.”

“I’ve seen most of it already.” Pointedly, she glanced down his front and back to his face.

He didn’t meet her joking with an eyeroll. His eyes got all soft and adoring. Her heart felt like the bullet that shatters a bottle. He was always doing that, setting himself up on that fencepost to be shattered if she decided to aim in his direction. She was the same kind of stupid—taking the same risk again and again. Not with the guy in front of her though. Thing was, anymore, her bullet-heart wasn’t as devastating as it used to be. Could’ve been the dying. Could be the trust.

“You’d see how, how I feel,” he said, words stumbling like his legs with his jeans tangled around them.

“Cass, I already know how you feel.”

Cassidy sighed.

“I s’pose that’s true.”

“Let me see, then,” she urged, shaking her bullet-heart from the chamber to hold out to him in her hand. Maybe they could promise not to be afraid of each other.

She kissed him quickly.

“Let me see,” she repeated.

When she kissed him again, Cassidy’s hand jumped to the back of her head and he wrestled his tongue inside her mouth to writhe against hers. Their bodies strained together, Tulip’s hips pressing down even as her neck craned to follow Cassidy into the deepening kiss, his hips urgently greeting hers. _Show it to me_ , she thought wildly. _’Bout time I saw everything_.

“I love yeh,” he panted, kicking out of his jeans and shoes and carrying her away from the wall.

“I love you too.”

It wasn’t the same, but it didn’t matter. It was still true and if it hurt him to hear that she felt the same only not, well that was only fair when he’d gotten to say _his_ true thing. She didn’t worry about it; she shoved a hand between them and kneaded the head of his cock through his underwear (lying bastard). He cursed and set her quickly on the bed. She leaned forward, seeking his lips, but Cassidy was a frustrating pain in the ass. He pulled back and stared at her, all sappy. Tulip’s gaze flicked to the high window, the shape of an upside-down cereal bowl and crisscrossed with lines that cut the moonlight into bitty slivers. She knew there were stars out there, a whole buttload of them. He switched on the bedside light. Her buddy here was looking pretty starry in his eyes.

“Do your worst,” she dared, vulnerable in the warm artificial glow. She knew he looked at her the way he was right now a lot—she could’ve caught him at it a million times if she’d wanted to—but not when she was staring straight back. Frankly, it made her a little nervous. All that love. She’d never had all of anybody’s anything.

Trying to be tough, Tulip added, “What the hell are you waiting for?”

Cassidy smiled her another cereal bowl, right way up. It was gradual, and it was special, not a smirk or a sneer. His face was relaxed and his teeth were friendly. He exhaled a soft laugh.

“Nothin’. It’s the first time ever that I don’ feel as though the best is behind or ahead of me. I’m not lagging out back of life like a tired, faithful horse. I really do feel that I was waitin’ fer _you_. A hundred extra years. Bloody _immortality_ , so we could meet and I could fall in love. Isn’ that insane? I actually believe that.” He laughed with what sounded like joyful relief. “Are yeh scared yet? Can yeh see how it might be a bit much?”

“Cass,” she said, holding the edge of the bed as she leaned forward and kept her face tilted up to see how he took this. “Lemme tell you a very simple secret: I wanna be loved. You…” Tulip had to glance down and shake her head when she got unexpectedly choked up. “…you’ve been like a clock. A good one. One that don’t need new batteries when the old ones die or one that you always forget to reset during the damn… oh, what’s it—”

“Daylight savin’s time?”

“Yeah.” She was still blinking a little fast as she tested out eye contact again. “Where was I?”

“I’m your clock.” A lift of his eyebrows urged her on.

“That’s right. You’re my clock. Every day, I wake up, and that clock’s still tickin’, you’re still lovin’ me. And I am so selfish, ’cause I want it all. I want love I can feel all the time, like how I’d know that clock was tickin’ even if I couldn’t hear it, or I didn’t wanna listen. So, no, Cass,” she said, giving a small sniff, “I ain’t scared.”

He was looking at her. Oh, Jesus, the way he was looking at her.

“’Member what you called it? What we did in the car, back in Texas?” She smirked at the recollection.

“When I said we’d made love and yeh thought I was a moron?”

“I still think that,” Tulip assured him, “but yeah. Made love.” She held her words in a few extra seconds. “Let’s do that.”

Cassidy watched her, frozen and incredulous. Finally, he said, “I think I’m unconscious someplace right now.”

“Pretty sure you’re not.”

“This is the sort of sentimental nonsense that’s meant to be comin’ from _me_. And we haven’ even made it horizontal! What in the…” He scrubbed a disbelieving hand across his mouth.

“You take a minute to collect yourself,” she suggested sarcastically.

In the meantime, Tulip unbuckled her belt. She pulled it slowly through her beltloops when she saw him watching. Next, she reached down and took off her heeled boots, pulled off her socks. She tugged her black t-shirt out of the waist of her jeans and when her fingers went to the zipper, Cassidy raised his hand and, in a choked voice, asked her to stop.

“Let me,” he said. “Please, God, let me.”

It seemed as though she just twitched her fingers and they were grasping the back of his neck in the same second, massaging his warm skin as he kissed her, the weight of his body pressing her back until they were spread across the bed width-wise, him on her. This way was alright for her, she wasn’t tall, but his feet and a fair amount of leg had to be hanging off the side. That would explain why he kept slipping on his knees as he rolled his hips against her—no toes to grip the blanket. Tulip figured they’d have to let things take their course, organically transition to a more convenient position, because neither of them was stopping now that they were flat.

He’d dropped his jacket at the door and her hands roamed his arms, fingernails nipping into tattoos she caught in flashes whenever her eyelids fluttered up. With her head and her heart and her body wide open, she wondered whether he’d ever gotten one to remind himself of her. Maybe the day he got that big damn bird put on his chest, or another day in Louisiana, when they were all focused on their own shit. Tulip decided she didn’t want to know. This one thing could be totally Cassidy’s business. Anyway, the whole idea made her think of Jesse and she couldn’t mourn him all the time.

With renewed feistiness, she wrapped her legs around him and Cassidy quit grinding long enough to feel for her button and zipper. He seized the waist of her jeans and she lowered her legs again to wriggle on out, her eyes in a rapid tango with his. Soon, they were surging desperately against one another, his hands up her t-shirt, unhooking her bra, hers on his ass to make him grind harder because he was rubbing just right to make her breathe like she was running from the cops. He mumbled her name as he kissed hotly up her neck.

_I thought there was only me_ , Tulip reflected with Cassidy licking beneath her jaw, _but there’s you_.

On the one hand, damn O’Hare curse couldn’t even get loneliness right. On the other, not having to be lonely meant she could be something else instead. That was so _interesting_.

Cassidy’s mouth returned to hers. He kissed her filthily, in direct contrast to how his hand was waiting at her waist and not feeling her up under the bra he’d undone. Bending her wrist at an awkward angle, she placed her palm on his abdomen so that only her fingertips were tucked beneath the band of his underwear. She drummed them. Cool and collected—that was her. Not wet as hell and wanting him to get a move on with stripping the rest of her clothes off. Cassidy hooked his fingers deftly into the crook of her knees and hoisted them, bumping his erection between her legs once like he couldn’t help himself.

“Hurry up,” she blurted, wincing before Cassidy laughed.

“There’s meant ta be a wee bit more patience wit’ lovemakin’, I believe. More of a slow build.”

Tulip groaned.

“Cass, I don’t know if this is for me. I’ll be honest: I really do just wanna flip you on your back and screw ya quick ’n’ dirty.”

He snapped his fingers, eyes narrowing with a lunatic light behind them.

“That’s good,” he said. “Hold on ta that energy.”

Before she could snip at him, he planted his mouth back on hers. Lightly, his fingers trailed up her inner thigh. Her heart started to pound. _Quit it_ , she told herself. _You’ve been fingered loads of times_. Not by Cassidy though, not thoroughly. Oh, he’d tried that night in the car, but Tulip didn’t go for extended foreplay with casual hookups (even with Jesse, they tended to cut right to the chase, relying on his familiarity with her body to get her off). This would be the first time she didn’t interrupt.

“Should I keep goin’?”

“Unless you really do wanna be someplace unconscious right now. I gotta car and there’s plenty of stuff in here I could knock you out with.”

“That was a lot of words ta say ‘yes,’” he observed with a grin, running a finger along the edge of her underwear. “And could yeh once want me in a language other than violence? Would that be so hard?”

Tulip frowned, twisting her head.

“Well, I don’t know if—”

“Every time.”

“First kiss?”

“You’d just beaten me ‘til I fell out a window. Had a shard ’a glass stickin’ outta me neck.”

“The time in the car?”

“I t’ink at least part of that was you still tryin’ ta make up fer the shard.”

“Louisiana?”

“Are yeh serious?” Cassidy’s eyebrows were sky-high. “I was shot _immediately_ after.”

“Yeah, alright, I remember,” Tulip admitted. She sighed and crossed her wrists behind his neck. “Ok, no threats. I promise not to hurt you.”

“Ha! Bit late fer that.”

“God, I know! I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Second nature, you know? Bein’ tough to make sure I get what I want.”

He smiled and dropped the volume of his voice way down. When he spoke, it went up her spine like the point of a knife.

“Just tell me what yeh want, Tulip.”

“Cass…”

“Shhh, no, out with it. What is it yeh want?” His hand moved, not much, but all of a sudden, he was petting the crotch of her underwear.

Her hand shot down to grab his wrist and their eyes locked. Releasing him, it was the underwear she pushed away instead, snapping the band against her leg by accident as she struggled to get them off while Cassidy’s fingers touched down between her uncovered thighs.

“You’ve never given me a chance, but I swear I’m not bad at it,” he said, eyes pleading.

Tulip didn’t bother mentioning he’d already won her over. His fingertips were so gentle they almost tickled, and he was using them to draw around and around her clit. When he finally stroked right over it, her hips bucked off the mattress and she groaned.

“Harder?” Cassidy asked.

“No,” she was surprised to hear herself say. “No, keep it just like that. And kiss my neck again.”

The last thing was blurted as an afterthought, but she didn’t regret it as he pressed firm kisses up her throat. With the hand still at his upper back, she began rucking up his dingy grey tank, until she remembered he’d need to take his hand off her to remove the shirt. That was a bad trade-off, and Tulip knew trade-offs. Instead, she brought both hands to his hips. They just rested there for a while. Then, when the slick bastard hooked three fingers inside her, she gasped and grabbed his dick through his shorts.

He controlled himself well. He took a quick, deep breath, as if he were preparing to be dropped to the bottom of Jesse’s gran’ma’s swamp with no air tube. Rocking shallowly but persistently on his fingers, Tulip relaxed her grip, rubbing him mostly with the flat of her palm.

“Forgot about the patience thing,” she whispered apologetically.

Cassidy snorted a laugh.

“You want me ta forget, and all?”

She should’ve seen the swift pumping of his fingers coming. Unprepared, she shrieked like one of those unlucky assholes who’d ended up on the hook in Victor’s torture room. Only, no blood. Tulip squirmed and squeezed her eyes shut and did all sorts of stuff but tell Cassidy to stop. She was riding his damn hand now while he kissed ravenously across the part of her chest bared by the V neckline. It wasn’t totally clear to her whether he did it with his teeth or his free hand, but the front of her t-shirt was torn open mercilessly, her unfastened bra brushed upward so Cassidy could reach everywhere with his mouth. That got her eyes back open.

“ _Ahh_ ,” was all she could squeak, slamming her hips down on his tireless fingers, hands anchoring her as she clutched his hair and his erection.

“God, that fuckin’ feels good,” Cassidy growled, raising his head from sucking at her nipple to watch her face. “I can bloody tell.”

She threw her gaze to the ceiling, away from the self-satisfied look in his eyes. It was too powerful, tempting, like pressing her foot down a little too hard on the gas and finding she didn’t want to lift back off, just gun it. Drive ’til the car took flight on a cloud of fumes. Her hips bucked and shook and if Cassidy had ever wanted to bite her, she bet he definitely did right this minute. Working her hand over his dick, Tulip chanced a look at his face, finding his eyes shut and his mouth wide in bliss. No fangs. She smirked, then ruined it by gasping as her body seized in climax.

“Holy shite,” he breathed. “I knew yeh were fakin’ it our first time. _That_ was completely different.”

Breathing heavily, she met his eyes.

“You should be flattered that I bothered fakin’.”

When she grinned, he broke right out into laughter, dropping his forehead to her chest, shoulders jumping with his giggles. Tulip patted between his shoulder blades. Slowly, he withdrew his fingers. She thought she should maybe relax on the handjob for a minute too, but the way she brushed him as she took her hand away was answered with a gruff, animal exhale by Cassidy. Briefly removing her hand, she peeled down the front of his underwear and grasped his cock with no barrier.

“Feels good,” she goaded. “I can tell.”

His hand sprang to hers, smearing the arousal he’d just finished coaxing out of her all down his length. The sloppy action wetted her fingers too, but that only helped—Cassidy let her know with a noisy groan.

“Jesus,” he said, impatiently thrusting his cock through her encircling fingers. “I’d do fuckin’ anythin’ fer yeh.”

“What you’re gonna be doin’ is buyin’ me a new shirt.”

“Oh.” Cassidy’s head rose from her chest. His expression was sheepish. “Right. Well, would yeh…” he asked slowly. “…settle fer perhaps a _stolen_ shirt?”

“Yeah. Guess we better save our money in case any other end-of-the-world expenses come up.”

“Gotta be frugal,” he agreed, face flushed when she moved her hand faster.

“Lucky for you,” Tulip announced, “I decided that condoms were an apocalypse necessity.”

God, he was funny, trying to appear calm and reasonable as his cock swelled and twitched in her fist.

“The world endin’ ought be a pretty effective contraceptive.”

“Well, since we’re still plannin’ to try to _stop_ that, we’re usin’ a condom,” she informed him, making a pass over the head of his dick. Cassidy clamped his eyes shut and nodded.

“That’ll be fine. Your choice. Anyway, I don’ feel equipped ta deal wit’ another Dennis anytime soon.”

“You wanna talk about Dennis right now?”

“I hate ta say it, but picturin’ the poor, murderous bugger brings me back from the edge.”

He sighed and Tulip slowed to an easy stroke.

“I’m sorry about him,” she said.

Cassidy smiled sadly, hovering over her.

“He wasn’ a very good person, and that’s down ta me. No knack fer parentin’.”

“Hey, now that’s not true. You were really good with him.”

He gave her a look.

“’Cept when you killed him,” she had to acknowledge.

He quit chasing her touch with his hips and cupped the side of her face, staring down at her with tender eyes.

“ _You_ would’ve been a great mum.”

A feeling settled over her. Sorta like peace, Tulip figured. Maybe it was her finally forgiving herself for losing the baby. She felt ancient, and so still. Cassidy always understood the most unexpected things. That little piece of hurt inside her started to feel like love instead. She mirrored him, hand on his cheek, then stretched up to kiss him. Time to make some love.

The kiss got deep, then it got fast, hot and desperate. Cassidy sat back on his knees and Tulip followed him up. While he stripped off his underwear with the jerky action of trying to keep a seagull away from your fries at the beach, she moved her hand steadily up and down his dick, plucking at his lips with hers. To encourage him, she teased his tank up his stomach. Cassidy ripped it over his head and she laughed against his mouth.

“Laugh at a naked man, would yeh? Heck, Tulip, I’ve still got me pride.”

Well, that just made her laugh louder. She dropped back onto her heels and made her eyes wide and blameless. It was what Marnie Pomerantz did whenever bank advisers started looking at her like she was asking too many questions.

“I would never,” she said.

He smiled forgivingly and laid his hands on her shoulders. It was strange. Reactively, she let go of his penis—just felt weird to hang on. When Cassidy leaned towards her, her gaze ran down his naked front and back up. Then he was too close for that, kissing behind her ear. He pushed the newly-split t-shirt down her arms.

“Let’s see how much you’re laughin’ when t’ings are evened up, shall we?”

She never saw her balled-up t-shirt; he must have thrown it over the side of the bed behind her.

Her bra straps slipped down just as willingly, Cassidy trailing his fingers over her skin like this last item couldn’t go slowly enough for him. She could hear him trying to keep his breathing measured as his mouth skimmed her cheek. Her eyelids fluttered shut and she gripped his upper arms. Tulip was so stupid, forgetting for even a second that nudity wasn’t the point of this. Underestimating Cassidy. Thinking she had seduced him into this when he was definitely the one seducing her.

His lips slid across hers seconds before his hand pressed the center of her back, pushing their chests together. She clasped the back of his neck with both hands. Gradually, Cassidy’s made their way to her ass, her hips, her thighs and gave an imploring little tug. Tulip let him ease her onto his lap, legs rearranging. With his cock against her stomach, she gently disengaged from the kiss, face barely an inch from his when she said, “I’m gonna get the light.”

“Ok,” he whispered back. She saw him swallow thickly.

Shuffling around on his knees, he turned them so that, when he laid her on her back, her head landed on a pillow. With him holding himself over her, Tulip reached over and switched off the lamp.

“Condom’s in my jeans pocket,” she told the sudden dark.

“Oh, right.”

He left and returned and, watching his face, her eyes adjusted. She heard the sound of the wrapper being torn open and flicked away.

“Pretty good at that in the dark,” she complimented.

“Some t’ings are familiar. Others just… burn themselves into your brain after a single look,” he said, voice soft and intense. “Hang on… just one time I’ve got ta…”

Abruptly, he was licking from her stomach straight up to her throat, one line. Her cunt throbbed jealously and her chest heaved as she released a breath.

“I’ve always wanted ta just… taste yeh.”

“If you’d said that beforehand,” she told him, “that is not what I woulda expected you to do. That’s not even, like, the _third_ thing I woulda thought you meant.”

“I see. No, yes, I do see. Did you wan’…?”

“Cass.” Tulip smiled and clung to his neck so he wouldn’t scoot back and start eating her out. “I really just… want us to do this.”

“Make love?”

“Yeah.”

She could see him grinning as his face came close, his hand smoothing lovingly along her thigh.

“Please say it again,” he requested.

Tulip rolled her eyes and sighed, but he was still hovering there, waiting. His eyebrows went up.

“Proinsias Cassidy,” she began. She lifted her head to murmur into his ear, lips hitting the little gold hoop. “If the apocalypse happens, this may be the last sex either of us ever has. Make love to me.”

She pulled back to see his expression was stricken.

“Shit,” Tulip backtracked. “I know, I shouldn’t have said anything about the apocalypse. Way too depressin’.”

“’S’not that.” He shook his head wonderingly. “Yeh know my name?”

“Sure I know it. Did I pronounce it right?”

“Absolutely brutal.”

But he kissed her like it’d been flawless.

And he proceeded like a gentleman.

Rather than jabbing forward, erection-first, Cassidy cradled her face and Frenched her as if kissing were the main event. She caught herself humming with pleasure. Her knees snuck up to hold his hips between her thighs. Still, he didn’t rush to fuck her. _Right_. They weren’t doing that. Actually, Tulip decided, this lovemaking thing was kinda nice. She felt emboldened to touch him in places she hadn’t when they’d hooked up the other time (excessive for their backseat doggy-style) and never could during their daily lives as friends (too intimate). She fit the arch of her foot to the back of his calf; she traced his bony elbows under her fingertips; she kissed the scruffy region between his mouth and nose, feeling his lips curl into a smile just below.

Finally, their kisses grew distracted and she knew they were both thinking about it, no disguising it. Tulip was startled by how loudly they were breathing, how many times Cassidy’s eyes flitted to hers in the dark, how comforted she was each time they did. _Yes? Yes. Yes? Yes_. they seemed to be telling one another. He prodded at her entrance. She helpfully tilted her hips.

“I love yeh,” he told her again, slightly rougher this time, on the verge of something she’d have to be an idiot not to get was momentous for him.

“I’m not perfect,” burst out of her mouth. (Fine, it was momentous for her too.)

His eyebrows scrunched solemnly together.

“I know,” he acknowledged. “I know you’re not. But I’m gonna keep lovin’ yeh like yeh are, if that’s alright.”

She figured she’d never be able to say anything poetic enough to match that, so she kissed him and felt him push inside, tempered by her body’s greedy tide—drawing him deeper, then slowing him down by tightening up prematurely. Anticipating good things after that fingering. God, it’d been a while since she’d anticipated something good. _I love you_ , she thought impulsively. She didn’t repeat it out loud in the mixed air of this infrequently-rented room and the warm, dry night out the window, and she didn’t dwell on it. End of the world. No time to dwell.

When he was fully inside her, she could feel it, but there was also the taut way he was holding his body, like he’d tiptoed to the edge of a cliff and he knew that, once he tipped forward, the momentum would take control. Seemed to Tulip like a good time to crack a joke.

“I know what you’re thinking,” she said, keeping her expression serious when he met her eye. “You wanna go do it in the car instead.”

“That truly would be an apocalyptic omen: me stoppin’ this right now so we could re-establish ourselves elsewhere.”

“What are you really thinkin’?” she asked uncertainly.

Slowly, Cassidy began to thrust, out and back in.

“Guess,” he said, splaying his hand up the back of her neck and hanging on by his fingertips.

“You’re thinkin’…” Tulip took a breath, shifting her shoulders. “You’re thinkin’, ‘Dang, this feels great so far.’”

“Yep.”

“And maybe, ‘Gee, Tulip sure is pretty.’”

“Always t’inkin’ that.”

“Also,” she offered, scratching gently at the back of Cassidy’s head to get his attention so her words would have a fair shot at competing against the synchronizing roll of their hips, “you might be thinkin’ this is as good as life gets. One night with someone you love before some entitled asshole who drives around in a dog costume—”

“Bloody narcissist.”

“—takes it all away. And if you _are_ thinkin’ that…” Tulip sighed in acceptance. “…well, that does sound pretty friggin’ good to me. I hope there were dinosaurs who got this before God blasted _them_ all to hell.”

“You hope some T-rex was balls-deep in a triceratops when the meteor hit?”

“I don’t know!” She flapped her hand in a defensive gesture behind his head. “Not _exactly_ this! Just, the bein’ near somebody they loved and who loved them.”

“I’m actually really annoyed nobody cloned the buggers. Apocalypse before we ever get Jurassic Park?” He breathed hard as he plunged forward. “Doesn’ seem fair.”

“So, I’m pretty good at guessin’? Anythin’ I missed?”

“Ah,” Cassidy said, shaking his head, “enough about _my_ thoughts. I’ll do yours.” His expression went all thoughtful (and briefly slack, when she hiked her leg up to wrap it around him, sending his next thrust deeper).

When he didn’t speak, even after he’d had a minute to adjust to the slight change in position, Tulip prompted him.

“I guess I’m not thinkin’ much,” she accused.

“It’s just… straight away, I realized how unbelievably foolish it’d be ta try and guess the thoughts of the woman I’ve never been able ta predict.”

“You don’t need to predict ’em,” Tulip said, kissing his cheek, then biting his jaw when he rubbed her just right on the inside. “No lookin’ ahead, just what’s in my head right now. You can do that. You know me.”

“I try.”

“Joni Mitchell,” she reminded him.

Cassidy turned his head so she was forced to draw back and she was unsurprised to see that softness in his eyes once more. Yeah, bringing up the time he played one of her favourite songs to help rescue her from purgatory was the kind of thing pretty much guaranteed to make him emotional.

“Joni Mitchell,” he agreed. “Fair point.”

He caught her other thigh and hitched it up. She locked her ankles over his ass and moaned when he started moving faster.

“Now, what would Tulip have goin’ on in her head? You’re regrettin’ leavin’ the car in the dust and not pullin’ it into the garage.”

“Shit.” Cassidy grinned, watching her tighten her jaw in irritation at her own carelessness. She glared. “You coulda said somethin’ at the time.”

“At the time, I was focused on tryin’ ta keep me jeans from fallin’ off! What else? You’re… wantin’ me ta go even faster?”

She proved that guess right no problem; her head tipped back on the pillow and her mouth stretched open soundlessly as Cassidy picked up the pace.

“And you’re scared,” he huffed, those fingertips kneading her neck, “that maybe yeh can’t make love wit’out bein’ in it.”

At her speechlessness, he switched from fast to hard, pounding firmly into her. A tear slithered out the corner of her eye—from the force of his words, not his thrusts. Tulip clung to him, pulling his head down to tuck her face into his neck, the fingers of her other hand digging into his shoulder, but they were moving together too jarringly now to let her hide her face for long. _You can do it_ , she told herself. _So, do it_.

“You read my thoughts just fine. Maybe I am a little scared. And I definitely am makin’ love.”

Cassidy looked confused; she spotted the second he realized her words were surrender. His mouth mashed messily to hers and he wedged a hand beneath her body to grab her ass as he rammed into her. Tulip kissed back hard, fingers scrabbling through his hair, yanking, flattening. The thin blanket underneath her was getting all wrinkled. She could feel the sweat along her spine. Their movements were hot and rough, hands sure. Everything was as giving as it was needy and that amazed her over and over while the flaming feeling inside her climbed.

The most intense thing was getting to see Cassidy’s face, right there over hers. Boy, she’d been selfish the last time, telling him that, no really, she really wanted him to fuck her from behind because it’d be more fun that way. Sexy. Reckless. Actually, her motivation had been a gross combination of accepting repayment for the pills she’d stolen for him and her frustration with Jesse. She’d told Cassidy they were in love (not that either of them took that shit seriously at the time), then made certain their eyes couldn’t meet. She’d let him all the way in and shut him all the way out at the same time. Hadn’t _that_ all just come right around and bit her in the ass. Tulip wouldn’t go so far as to call it ‘God’s plan’ (that asshole would get no credit from her), but it sure was something, here and now, to stare right into Cassidy’s eyes as they made love. She watched the shadows skate over his face—blue on blue on blue on blue—and tensed up, signalling for him to slow down.

“Shhh,” she told his distraught expression. “I know you were gettin’ close. I’m not stoppin’, just… roll over, would ya?”

He pulled out and flopped onto his back next to her. No question, no debate. When she sat up and moved astride him, he did sigh with relief though. Tulip smiled. She lined him up and took him back inside, closing her eyes with a soft groan.

“Now, don’ open ’em wide and insane, like,” Cassidy requested. “Like you were sayin’ about the dolls. Blood is only meant ta be curdled when you’re enjoyin’ it on top ’a poutine.”

“Please tell me you’re jokin’.”

She felt his clipped laugh and peeked her eyes open to see him grinning up at her.

“’Course I am. I was in a vampire cult, not workin’ in a vampire food truck.”

“Vampire food truck,” Tulip said contemplatively, beginning to work her hips forward and back. “Wonder if they got those in hell.”

“I could start one when I get there.”

“Well, you’re not gonna do it _alone_.”

“I don’ mind,” he said, taking hold of her hips. “I’ve done most t’ings alone.”

“Yeah, well, not this. You know I’ll be there too,” she pointed out. “I’ve been dead before. Wasn’t any fun without ya.”

He reached for the back of her head and Tulip bent forward to kiss him. Cassidy wouldn’t quit smiling, so she got a lot of teeth at first, but she waited his giddiness out, rocking her hips back with the assistance of his insistent grip on her hip. Soon, the kissing was long and lingering, the thrusts short jolts that had her thighs quivering. He released her hip and tightened his hold on her head as he wiggled his free hand between them and used his thumb to rub her clit. She filled his mouth with a muted cry. His hand was shaking, sliding to cup her cheek. Tulip lifted her head just enough to be able to watch him well.

“Tulip,” he pled.

She clutched his wrist, fingers digging in, and pressed her face into his damp palm. For as much as his fingers were trembling, his pulse was as steady as his presence.

“Me ’n’ you, Cass.”

“Here’s ta loneliness,” he toasted ironically.

His smile appeared and shattered as she clenched around him. The manipulation of her clit and thrusts of erratic speed and depth sent her quaking into orgasm, curling over Cassidy’s torso. Her shriek caught up with her wide-open mouth after a few seconds and he met it with a rumbling grunt, hips driving up into hers. The tautness was still leaving her body when he let his head sink into the pillow. He wore a drunken smirk.

Tulip fit her face against his throat, not to hide this time, and breathed. Before his erection could soften and the condom could leak and the light would have to go on and the stars be diluted, Cassidy laid both hands on her bare back and held her. She closed her eyes. Them and the night. The car. So much open road.


End file.
